Either Way...

I can't tell if I'm gonna love it or hate it here. It's hard to say. It could go either way. I've had the same amount of amazing days as horrible ones, but the horrible ones seem to stand out more than the good.


I guess I'm a little nervous.


-A

College Day 3...

It is the weirdest thing to go to sleep next to two strangers in your new "home".

College...

is here.

Home...

I'm feeling sentimental, packing and getting ready to leave. Mix CD from E- currently playing. Song: Flightless Bird by Iron & Wine

I wish the weather outside my window would turn bad so that I'd be more willing to leave this town.
fortheday

-A

Almost Done...

Surprise, surprise. I have emotions after all.


Today was my last goodbye, and the most important one to me. I won't even call her my best friend. She's like family to me. I didn't think it'd happen, but when we parted and I opened her gift to me, I held back tears.


I don't think I've ever felt choked up with love for a friend before.


Goodbyes are nearly through.

-A

6.

6 days until I leave this city behind.
6 days to wrap my head around what I'm going to be stepping in to.
6 days to pack up a lifetime's worth of memories and reminders of home.
6 days to procrastinate on my yet unfinished homework.
6 days for errands.
6 days for goodbyes.


-A

Impulse.

It is strange, I suppose, that us humans get these sudden impulses to do seemingly inexplicable acts. Sometimes I just want to thrash my legs around or rub my face repeatedly for no apparent reason. At least there is a point to a dog chasing his tail or barking like mad--they stem from traits that would be beneficial in the wild.


Today I slammed on the breaks driving my brother back from the grocery store, just to see. It was pointless but somehow I needed to do it to satisfy this urge. It is like when you learn to drive and you are told to drive on the turtle bumps on the road so you can build this spacial awareness around you and the car. I was building sensory awareness between my foot and the brake.


Immediately after I felt guilty about it. It is not like anyone got hurt; no one was around. My brother was a bit confused and shaken up, but that wasn't why I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I had acted on a bad and potentially dangerous impulse.


Obviously I don't act on many bad impulses. Most people do not. We learn that, yes, it is bad to spit water from a straw at someone and, no, you should not crack a raw egg in your bare hand.


So my question is, why could I not control it today? Are my filters and my sensibility deteriorating? Or is it natural to do what you ought not?


-A

Words for Free...

"What do those crackers taste like?"
"They taste like Danimals Strawberry."


-Small child

Follow...

I have this horrible inability to follow through.


I'm pretty sure if you did a search into my life you would find half eaten pieces of licorice, forgotten puzzles, and abandoned scrapbooks.


It's scary, really, to think that this is what I'm leaving behind as I head off to college and life beyond. Despite seeming so fragmented myself, I don't want to be remembered this way.

-A