Barefoot is Boring...

"It's funny how you can get yourself invited for dinner when you bring the dinner.

I wish I had known that when I was twenty."

-Barefoot Contessa

Sometimes people unintentionally say funny things. Unfortunately, that never happens to me.

So I am sorry to all the Barefoot Contessa fans (is that her name? Like, Ms. Contessa, first name, Barefoot?) I don't really ever watch this show but I watched it for a while today. I tried to be polite and not get up and leave so I sat through her mumbling monotone voice and cheesy lines (the episode is called "Tale of Two Soups", 'nuff said). I usually watch the Food Network (Channel?) when I'm hungry. And I rarely ever watch the shows where they make healthy food. If I'm going to really fantasize, I watch Paula Deen and her recipe for Fried "insert food here". Plus that woman is just craaazy! She is absolutely loca. Have you seen the episode of Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D List where she goes to Paula Deen's house? P.D.'s crazy is on par with Kathy's. And that's saying something.

I didn't really have a point to make, talking about Barefoot. But I do want to say that I have been craving hot lime Cheetos and these Mexican marshmallow graham cracker cookie square things from 711 all day long. I was going to go walk the mile to the grocery store but I have to go pretend to play my clarinet at the Spring Concert in an hour and a half. And while I can drive, there's nothing to drive. So I'm stuck at home, watching Barefoot and reruns of What I Like About You (which I really like) and avoiding homework (not because I have to do anything particularly hard but because I need to live up to my teenage duties in that way).

I have nothing of importance to say. Sorry if you just read that whole thing :/

-Haewon

P.S. ...Barefoot says that it's important that the eye of the fish is really bright when you buy it....no wonder she didn't get invited to any dinner parties in her twenties. She's kind of weeeeeird.

And I Probably Forgot to Tell You This Like That Time When I...

Currently Listening to:

You're the Only One by Maria Mena ¹

Some people blog for a living. To those people I say, you must be very lonely.

Actually, no.

You know what the cool thing about blogging is? You always feel connected to people. Even if absolutely no one reads your blog (ahem) and you're very dull and have nothing interesting to say at all (ahem ahem) and you only blog because you really want to avoid homework (AHEM AHEM AHEM..."do you need some water?" “No, I'm good. Thanks"), you feel like there is someone out there who has read what you have to say (or better yet, you may have a blogger stalker!).

When I get the [very] occasional comment, it's always weird to me. My knee-jerk reaction is to throw up my hands in disgust and say, "What are you doing reading that? That's not meant for you?!". And then you're like, "um, hello idiot. You started a blog and post all your crap on the internet." And then I say, "Oh, silly me! You're right" and get over the fact that someone has read what I wrote and then I start to think, "Oh hey this is kind of cool. People are reading what I wrote and humor me by saying they agree or whatnot".

In physics last year, we used this program called WebAssign. It's basically virtual homework that you do online and it spits back your results right away. A red X means 'wrong' and a green check means 'right'. You got three chances to answer each problem correctly (they were problems with numerical answers, so it wasn't like the robot computer checked your interpretation of the theme of A Hero of Our Time or anything). Being me, I always got the red X next to each problem. But I would try and try again and when/if I finally got one of those little green checkmarks, it was like God was beaming down a ray of sun directly onto my life. [Yes, I just compared physics homework to being a prophet.] It made me so happy.

Anyway, I get the same reaction now when I get a comment. Instead of feeling creeped out and kind of like I'm being virtually spied upon², I get the little happy heart attack that those green checks gave me. It is very exciting.

Blogging has opened up this whole new world to me. I never understood why all the crazy bloggers (so, all bloggers) would talk about how they go to work or school or to the grocery store and then all of a sudden thought, "oh that would be a good topic to blog about!". But now when I see a dead cat on the side of the road (yes I did) or find about $30 worth of pennies on the ground (that's 3,000) or when I'm super excited about the new season of Glee (I am a Gleek), instead of pestering my mom and talking her ear off, I can come here and type your...eyes off? Something to that affect.

The thing is though, I'm not like, a real blogger blogger. I don't really write to entertain anyone. I don't even write to entertain myself. I just decided I needed a new artistic outlet. That and my mom only listens to half of what I say. I like to tell her that it's because I'm the middle child and so I get the least amount of attention but I think it's just overwhelming for her to have to listen to me say "DON'T MAKE ME GO TO SCHOOL, DON'T MAKE ME GO TO SCHOOL, DON'T MAKE ME GO TO SCHOOL" all day long.

It's not that I'm hiding my face, I just think this face is funnier to look at...actually. It's probably a tie.

Like, it's especially hard for her to listen to that when she's trying to watch tv or hold a conversation on the phone. Maybe I'M the reason mom screams in her sleep, she's having a nightmare about drowning in my voice..... : boy you guys are lucky that you don't have to hear me. You can just navigate away from me whenever you want and I wouldn't even know...

Good place to end this conversation,

-Haewon
¹: I chose this song because Maria Mena can't shut up in this song (so you see the relation between the song and my life?).

2: Speaking of being virtually spied upon. My mom told me that people can hack your computer and if you have a webcam, they can use that to spy on you. And for those of us with a laptop and an uncovered webcam, they can watch us! I'm not sure if that's true or not. Maybe my mom is paranoid because my gran worked for the CIA (am I allowed to say that? Is Matt Damon Jason Bourne going to come to my house and tell me to stop blogging on my wildly popular blog about my gran being a former CIA member? I sure hope so. I would love for the government to tell me to stop doing what I'm doing. Then I could blog about them and make them angry. And then I would go to jail.

Sometimes the System Goes on the Blink...

Currently Listening to:

Had a Bad Day by Daniel Powter

Do you ever have those days when you are just in a really bad mood and there's absolutely no reason why and you know that you shouldn't be mad but you are anyway?

I'm not saying any of this is rational. It just...is.

I had to print something from my printer and when the paper finished printing, it fell out of the printer and hit my leg. Way. To. Go. That stupid paper hit my friggin' leg! God, how aggravating can you be? Slam the print shut and walk away.

I go into my room because I am tired and just want to go to bed. I flop onto bed like normal and, "Ouch," WHAT THE HECK. Hangers are poking me in my face. Oh yeah, I forgot. I put all my laundry on my bed to force myself to put it away before I went to bed. No. NO I WILL NOT. I just want to go to bed. So I shove, shove, shove, it all on the ground. Okay. Fine. I'll deal with it tomorrow. Sleep. Good.

I turn off the light and turn on my alarm clock and "bang! thwop! crack! screech! plop plop plop! cling! clang! poof! waaaaank!". My alarm clock falls off the window ledge and down the tiny space between my wall and my bed. And it hits everything possible on the way down and makes a big racket. And now I have to retrieve the stupid thing by shoving half of my body down the crack (because I just HAD to get the bed risers that elevate my bed like twelve feet off the ground). So I fish around for the stupid thing and come back up with a blood rush and put it on the window sill. Laying in bed. Finally, some sleep.

And then I remember that I have a calc quiz tomorrow on something that I am totally and completely clueless about. So I lay there. Panicking. Silently. Wishing that I was on Spring Break already.

It's possible that's just what happens if you're a hormonal teenager (which I am, by the way).

Ohhh, but you know what sucks the most? I lost my USB somewhere in my house but I absolutely can not find it. I know I lost it in my house because I was using it in my bedroom, I moved to the kitchen, and then an hour later was like, "huh, where is my USB?".

And I put way too much important stuff, important files, on my USB. Basically I lose my USB and I lose my life's work of short stories and photos and essays. So, NOW I understand that I need to back all virtual files up, but it sure took a horrible life lesson to teach me that. Sometimes I just want the Cliff Notes version of life lessons. Like, yeah, it will probably stick more this way because I just lost every single virtual file that had any significance in my life. But I would have been happier with the quicker, less painful, Spark Notes or something. Or maybe "Living Life for Dummies".

Anyway, perfect song, right? Bad Day. Oh it's a cliche, I know.

I know.

-Haewon

P.S. I just watched Up in the Air. So review coming soon. How many is that? Eight?

Question of the Day...

Question: Is brown nail polish weird? Just tell me what I want to hear...

I'm not wearing it with neon pink pants or anything.

Also, I am one follower away from double digits. That's pretty neat to me considering I literally thought no one would read this (but sad considering I am the 2,525th person to subscribe to The Sassy Curmudgeon...but happy considering that it's cool to be number 2525). Actually, I thought exactly one person would read this. So far I am off by 8.

Isn't it weird thinking that people want to hear what you are saying? (That sounds like I have low self-esteem.) Also, as you can see in the picture above, I have become obsessed with toothpicks. Maybe because I have braces (yes, I am a junior in high school and I have braces. I will also be a senior in high school with braces [cry cry cry]).

One week until Spring Break!
(I despise everyone who is on break now.)

Looovveee,

Haewon

P.S. I watched The Talented Mr. Ripley last night. Matt Damon. Oh yes, I will be doing a review of that later. Mattttttt Damonnnnnnnnn (if you haven't noticed yet, I kinda like him).

Rumor Has It...

Currently Watching:

Rumor Has it... Directed by Rob Reiner

I actually just finished watching this, on a school night too! Pretty exciting. Today was a gorgeous 73 degree day in sunny, cloudless Seattle. Pretty exciting. But don't worry. Tomorrow is supposed to be 50 with showers. Now that's more like it.

The movie was cute. Not anything you should go run out of your house to see. Even though this isn't on my list of 58 movies that I need to watch in 58 days, I watched it because I got it from the library (we have an amazing library system here. It's so nice. You can get basically any movie, cd, or dvd/vhs from the library and it's all free free free).

I'd give it like 2 out of 5 umbrellas. Maybe less. It really was not good. Jennifer Aniston and Mark Ruffalo are two actors that I like off and on. Mark Ruffalo always seems so awkward (which makes me like him even more). And there's a lover's quarrel in this movie (I really love those scenes for some reason....does that say something about me?).

You can look up a summary online but basically it's just a big silly mess of stuff. I really liked Kevin Costner in this. He reminds me of Bruce Willis. I think he was pretty charming in this movie. In an older man kind of way...Like George Clooney, you know?

Costner on left, Willis on right. They look similar right? (minus the soul patch)¹

Jennifer Aniston is not my favorite actress. I haven't really liked her in anything besides Friends with the exception of Along Came Polly. But her being Rachel Green totally makes up for it.

She is veryyyy lovely!

I won't add another picture, but there is just something so familiar about Mark Ruffalo (or maybe I just think he is super good looking and I see him in my dreams) that I just can't place. He reminds me of the guy from Grounded For Life, Kevin Corrigan...Okay I will add another picture. Wait, I can't find any where they look similar. Maybe it's just one of those things where you think it and nobody else agrees and you're kind of offended like "Well I guess I'm just good at seeing connections and you aren't so humph!" and then you walk away awkwardly. No? K.

Anyway, I just had to say this last thing. Did anyone else think that the house in Rumor Has It (pictured below) looks like the house in The Office, David Wallace's house? Probably not. I don't really remember the episode that clearly. I think I just have Office on the brain lately because when my friend hurt her foot the first thing I thought was "George Foreman Grill"...

Haha, you should check out this site. So funny! ²

Okay, I guess 11:19 pm means GO TO BED. Oh, by the way, I got my six months on Monday! I think I already said that. Now all I need is a car.

I like cars with character. For tonight, I will dream about this car:




My teacher has this same red Yugo.

Goodnight,

Haewon


¹: From InStyle
²: Check out the I Am Not A Stalker website. Kind of cool, actually. You will like it. People who read blogs, write blogs, own a Facebook or Myspace and then proceed to facebook stalk other people (we all do it) will love this site and the sites on her blogroll (whatever that means. I'm not a very good blogger).

Niiiiight for realz. Comment while I sleep. Or am at school. kthnxbye.

Miley Gives Singing Advice?...

Let me just say, I'm not a basher. I have better things to do than use my creative talents to rip down other artists (oh, yes. I am an artist).

But I just have one question: Why Miley?

Miley Cyrus is on this week's episode of American Idol. I'm in the midst of watch the show right as we speak. As pretty and funny as Miley is [and as much as she brings up the ratings], should she really be giving advice to contestants on American Idol?

She's only 17 and she's not exactly what I would call a "seasoned artist". Sure she has had her own concert tours and t.v. show etc but it's just odd for me to see this young Disney starlet giving advice to people. Maybe she could give advice on how to ham up a performance or work the crowd. But advice on singing techniques? I'm not so sure.

Miley Cyrus in The Last Song¹

But in the fashion of Ellen DeGeneres, I will qualify that statement by saying that I really like Miley and think she is great. I mean look, she is gorgeous! Scandalous, but beautiful.

Anyway, this has been a bad start to my Oscar's Challenge. I've watched some of the movies but don't really have any of the reviews up yet. I've seen District 9, Precious, Avatar, Invictus, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, The Hurt Locker, and Julie&Julia. Now I just have to watch...oh...51 more? Something like that. Yikes.

It will happen!

-Haewon

¹: Thanks to Celebrity Junior for the picture!

P.S. Anyone else an Andrew Garcia fan? He has not been doing so well in AI thus far (with the exception of Straight Up [WHICH WAS AMAZING] but I love him on YouTube. He is like, the funniest person ever and so likable on YouTube. I really would love to see him become huge and get a record deal and everything. But through American Idol? Only a certain kind of person can go through American Idol and make it out with originality in tact (like Kelly Clarkson minus that time she made that sellout movie). Andrew Garcia deserves better than AI. If he doesn't win (and I don't think he will) I think he needs to go get a legit deal and become famous that way. Not AI. NOT AMERICAN IDOL. Watch this Andrew Garcia video, sooooooooo cute! Made me fall in love, haha. Basically that one and all the other ones. Go on a YouTube rampage and watch!

Puppy Dog...

My puppy just walked in wagging his tail and gave me the cutest look like he wanted me to go play with him.

I informed him that I am doing my AP US History notes and that I can't.

He thought I was telling him yes and he got really excited.

I went back to doing my homework.

His tail stopped wagging and he walked out.

I'll try getting lost in the 1930s.

OSCAR'S CHALLENGE

This is the start of a challenge.

Remember how I love the Oscars and award shows and film in general? Well I decided to have a little fun. I'm going to add yet another thing to my already very full plate and hold a competition. Me against movies. You know like the Julie/Julia Project, how she had one year to cook through Julia Childs' cookbook? This is my challenge. I'm challenging myself to watch every single movie that was nominated for an Oscar. 58 movies in 58 days.

You may be thinking, "That's only one movie a day", to which I would reply "You're really good at math!". But remember, I'm a high school junior. It's not exactly like I can watch a movie every single day, at least not without letting my grades drop into the C range [and I'm sorry but at my school, that would just be unacceptable-they have high expectations]. That means, what? Maybe three, four movies some days? I'm not sure if I can do it but if you're reading this it means I posted it and the challenge has begun. I have until May 17th (right around AP testing (: ) to watch all 58 movies that were nominated for an Oscar.

And to make things a little bit more legit., I have to write a review. What shall we include in this review?

At the very least:

Short summary.

Likes/Dislikes.

And ratings. My ratings will take the form of umbrellas (which I see fitting considering I live in Seattle. I could do homework as a representation of my being in high school...no?...Umbrellas it is!) 5 umbrellas being the highest rating, 0 umbrellas being the lowest.

Keep in mind, I'm not a professional. I'm not even semi pro. Nor do I have any "real" knowledge about film. But as an aspiring director, what better way to start?

You're scared to follow me during this challenge aren't you? Don't be afraid! I can't really go wrong here. They were already nominated for an Oscar so there has to be something good about them (even if it's just the Sound Mixing [coughTRANSFORMERScough]).

Okay. Did I forget anything? Let me know by commenting if I did.

Wish me good luck,

Haewon

Rest Your Bones With Me...

Currently Listening to:

Sunday Morning by Maroon 5

Sunday morning rain is falling.
Steal some covers share some skin.
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable.
You twist to fit the mold that I am in.

You know, even as a seventeen year old, all I want is to be happy. OK, of course I want a boyfriend, of course I want to go out with friends every night, of COURSE I want Matt Damon. As much as I try to resist the trappings of adolescence, I can't deny these urges. But however juvenile my wants may sound, all I want in the end is just to find something to make me happy.

I know, I know. Cheesy. But lately I've been watching people get so narrow-minded and focused on the short term that they lose sight of what they really want to accomplish. They start to lose sight of all there is to be thankful for: the sound of music in the open air, the pucker of lips against a tart lemon, even the good Seattle weather that decided to make an appearance on a Monday in March.

"Things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do."

I agree, Maroon 5, I agree.

Most people know that I would be the first one to jump up and start complaining about school and how good grades are so important and about how you have to make a good impression for colleges etc etc etc etc etc. And I'm sure many people would agree with me. But just because I believe it and you believe it, doesn't make it so. You know? No?

Okay. In ToK [Theory of Knowledge], we are learning about truth and certainty and knowledge claims and doubt. We read Plato's The Cave which, more or less, raises the question of "how do we know what we know is true?" [Pop Culture Reference: Plato's idea is similar to The Matrix].

My point is that I think everyone should take time to reevaluate their perceptions of what is "important" or not. It's important for me to do well in school...but it shouldn't rule my life 100% of the time [I still need to work on this considering I woke up thinking about calculus].

What I'm saying doesn't make sense. I get that.

On a lighter note...

I never ended up talking about my day out with my Mom and Grandma in Seattle. We saw the ballet version of Sleeping Beauty at McCaw Hall. It was amazinnggggg! The costumes were gorgeous, the dancers were feathers being blown in the wind, and [being a band geek I had to notice] that the orchestra was pitch perfect and I wished I had the skills of that first clarinetist.

I went on my Teen Tix pass and so my ticket and my Mom's were only $5! It was a day for the kids and so the hall was packed full of little girls in princess dresses. There was a magician who did magic tricks before the play (how do they make the handkerchief disappear?) and all of the kids loved it. They stood around him in a big circle, in their fluffy princess dresses, and stood with their jaw dropped and unblinking. It was too cute.

I love pictures of people

It was a lot of fun. McCaw Hall is really great if you have ever been there. For just a place in Seattle to go see Operas and Ballets and things, it's pretty fun! I discovered the black and white setting on my camera (on my list of things to do is take a photography class) so I took tons of pictures that day.

I love the people standing on the second level, looking down at their subjects...

That's all for now!

-Haewon

P.S. What is to come? Some fashion-y type things [which admittedly is not my forte], some pictures of Seattle [yes, space needle included], and my substitute for a summer job...

We love comments over here in Haewon World.

:D

P.P.S. When someone comments your blog, do you respond or not respond? And how? Comment MY blog and let me know!

You May Say I'm a Dreamer...

Currently Watching/Listening to:

Oscar Acceptance Speeches/Imagine-Glee Version

"And the Oscar goes to..."

Those are words that I dream to hear someday. The power behind those words is so profound, so historical. To be recognized with an Oscar is one of the greatest honors someone in the film industry can receive. I couldn't even begin to fathom what it would be like.

Everyone has dreams. R. dreams of being a teacher, M. dreams of being an astronomy professor, E. dreams of being an anchor. Even A., who says she wants to be an orthodontist to adhere to the expectations set by her religious community, secretly wants to be a fashion designer.

What do I dream of? I dream of everything. I dream of sailing in a big sailboat in a sea of stars, of climbing to the tops of the highest mountains and diving to the lowest depths of the darkest oceans. I dream of living in Spring land, where flowers bloom all year round and tickle my nose with their pollen. I dream of opening up dusty books from chilly attics and falling into their weathered yellow pages. I dream of seeing people with faces different from my own; round cheeks, pointy noses, hard jaws, big bright eyes, coarse red hair, soft blond brows, thin dry lips, and big open hearts. I dream of saving lives; sewing up stab wounds, being a hero with dark blue spandex, yellow cape, and all with a gleaming scarlet A embroidered on my chest. I dream of every continent, every opportunity, every closed door, every open embrace.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

I hope someday you will join us, and the world will be as one.

-Haewon

P.S. My friend and I are going to go see Green Zone with none other than...drum roll please...Matt Damon! Surprise, surprise! It's our first official rated R movie in theaters as 17 year olds (even though I've seen rated R movies in theaters and out before. But my friend is a "good girl" and hasn't so I'll indulge her since she is indulging my Matt Damon craze).

P.P.S. I had Chinese all you can eat today. yum yum yummmmmm!

P.P.P.S. Here in Seattle we have this law that says once you get your license (if you are a minor) you have to wait six months until you can drive other people in the car with you who aren't in your family. My six months is up on the 22nd of this month! Do you have that law where you live? Just curious:

COMMENT ON IT (:

I cried...

And cried and cried and cried.

Kathryn Bigelow is my hero. First woman to win an Oscar for Best Director.

She's paving the way, and I'm headed down that road.

Hi, I'm Alec Bal--Hi I'm Steve Martin...

Currently Watching:

The Oscars

I'm in the middle of watching the Oscars and I have to say...I'm pretty impressed. Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin are hilarious. Because they have such experience they are really respected by everyone in the room and therefore, they can say pretty much whatever they want.

I haven't been very surprised by any of the awards won. Mo'Nique won Best Supporting Actress, Christoph Waltz won Best Supporting Actor¹, "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart won Best Original Song. It was all kind of expected, right?

Regardless, I love the Oscars. It is my dream to win an Oscar someday. I'd settle for being nominated. I used to want to win a Grammy in elementary school. And although I can carry a tune, it's not even close to something people would pay to hear. Then when I started theater in third grade I wanted to win a Tony. Then I decided I'd rather be on t.v. and wanted an Emmy. I always wanted to be a performer of some kind. I wanted to be on the Disney channel and I wanted to act. I've been a performer in some form or another basically since I was 9, but it wasn't until recently that I wanted to win an Oscar. And not for acting, like in the past. But for for directing.

I know I don't have to decide now, but if I did I would say I would want to direct. Screenwriting is up there as well, but directing a movie just has this amazing allure to it that I can't describe.

I want to go to film school.

Watching the Oscars is the perfect inspiration, too. I think the first time I consciously made the decision that I wanted to direct was during last year's Academy Awards when Slumdog Millionaire won Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Original Song among many others. For some reason, it was Slumdog Millionaire that made me want to be involved in the production of movies.

And then I started learning about the modern directors; Danny Boyle, Kathryn Bigelow, Quentin Tarantino, Chris Columbus, Jason Reitman...

And then I went crazy and lostmymindtheend.

-Haewon

¹: If you've seen my obsession post, you'd know that I'm a little obsessed with Matt Damon right now. I'm not sure why. I don't think he's the "hottest" [or whatever] guy in the world and he's not the best actor in the world. But I get these fixations. And it's Matt Damon right now. He's been nominated for best supporting actor at a couple of awards shows but hasn't won. :/ As much as I would love for him to win, it was still not surprising that Christoph Waltz won was it?

Granted the awards aren't over yet. But I'm just going to jump the gun on this one.

Speech that I like the best so far: Michael Giacchino's speech when he won Best Original Score for Up. He said that pursuing something creative is "not a waste of time". It's simple but something that kids need to hear, something that I need to hear.

Best performance: The dancers performing to the scores of the nominated movies. It was really creative and there were some street dance elements in it. Very cool.

Funniest Moment: Ben Stiller as an avatar. Haha, that guy.

P.S. Any guesses on who is going to win Best Picture? I've never seen the Hurt Locker but it seems to be a favorite this year. I'd say either that or Avatar. It's hard to say with the Academy Awards. They vote differently than the Critics.

I'll be back with more on the Oscars!

And The Oscar Goes To...

Currently Listening to:

The Scientist by Coldplay

There are two things wrong with this blog. The first is that it was never meant to be a diary, and yet it is. The second is that, because I'm trying to make this a "not-diary", I don't write half of what I feel. So what no one can see is my progression, my transformation. My self-realization.

I guess it hasn't been that long since I started blogging. And there's not much that I can write about that sets me apart from anyone else. Most every teen blogger writes emotionally about their day, their stress. And while our similar thoughts makes us all seem unexceptional and blurs the lines between distinction, I think it shows the connection between humans, between people. I'm sure you can find a dozen other blogs with posts almost identical to mine. And as much as I strive to be unique, almost to the point where I hate myself for it, and as much as it makes me feel defeated to know that what I have to say has already been said, that's just how it is.

We. Are. All. Alike.

We all have things in common. We all feel the same things and we all express the same ideas.

How can that knowledge not make you feel more comfortable, more connected to the human's spiritual network? You're not alone. And just because we have many things in common, just because I feel the same things you feel and say the same things you say, it doesn't mean that we don't make unique choices or have unique experiences. I am my own person. Of this I am sure. But I'm also sure that, when it comes down to it, I'm glad to know that I am not alone.

Yes, I say it with conviction. And this is coming from a pessimist. [I don't know.] Maybe my Optimism Week has gotten to me and this is just the final optimistic thought before I shed the optimism for good. Maybe I'm just in a really good mood right now. Maybe I'm just trying to cheer myself up and delude myself into thinking that I'm not alone, even when I know I am.

Maybe, maybe.

-Haewon

How Does She Know That You Love Her?...

Currently Listening to/Working on:

That's How You Know from Enchanted/ToK Homework

Lately I've been hearing a lot of people make knowledge claims with such conviction, such gusto, such assuredness that they are right. Only to find out five seconds later that they are completely wrong. And it made me curious: how do you know what you know?

I could say, right here right now, I know that it is raining. I can hear it through the window, I can see the rain clouds, I see the wet blades of grass and the puddles with drops splashing in. And it's pretty easy to tell if it's true or not. It's tangible. It's a physical event that people see.

But not all events, physical or not, are so easy to determine. Like in a horse race. You may see Shining Star's nose reach the finish line first. So convinced of it that you stand up and cheer and whoop and holler and dance around yelling "I WON". But then you watch the instant replay, which proves you wrong, and then you sit back down and cough and straighten your tie.

But it's that moment of, "I know it. I'm right. End of discussion" that I don't understand. People say things like they know, like they REALLY know, when the truth is that they don't. It bugs me.

Yes we are all human but, please. Don't be that kid in spanish that says, "no, you're wrong, it's like this...trust me...You're still doing it wrong," only to be proven wrong.

I know this is a lifestyle change, but try questioning your certainty more often. It's hard when you "know" you're right, but just try. You may know the quickest route to get to my house, but maybe you DON'T know and maybe you should just listen to me for once. Jeeze [this hypothetical situation is getting me all in a huff].

So, you think you can dance? [or sing, or act, or jump particularly high, or make a mean grilled cheese].

But how do you know? And how do you know that you know?

I don't know.

I don't.

I do.

I.

-Haewon

P.S. I really like the title song. If you think about the lyrics, all the little things that show someone loves you, I think it really describes what abstract concepts like love and hate are all about. You can't prove you love someone by completing tasks or getting a certificate. Wearing your favorite color just so he can match your eyes, giving you a yellow flower on a gray day, taking you out dancing just so he can hold you close. Those don't prove you love someone, but that's how you know he loves you.

KCLS, You Are My Hero...

Currently Reading:

Film School Confidential [Revised and Updated] by Tom Edgar and Karin Kelly

So, you know how this blog is supposed to be about me trying to navigate the wild jungle of high school and figure out where I want to get into school and what I want to be when I grow up? Well...let's start here...

I'm a junior. I go to a regular, normal public school. Nothing fancy or special about it. Except that it's an AP school, an IB school, and a PRISM school. AP, advanced placement, the basic advanced courses, yadda yadda. PRISM is for the gifted students [aka the brainiacs that, I'm sorry to say, make everyone else feel inferior]. And then IB. If you don't know what it is, you are very lucky. Here's what IB has to say about itself:

The International Baccalaureate® (IB) is a non-profit educational foundation,
motivated by its mission, focused on the student. Our three programmes for students aged 3 to 19 help develop the intellectual, personal, emotional and social skills to live, learn and work in a rapidly globalizing world. Founded in 1968, we currently work with 2,825 schools in 138 countries to develop and offer three challenging programmes to over 778,000 students aged 3 to 19 years.

So, yeah.

For one, I don't like that my school is IB, AP, and PRISM. My school isn't very big (about 1,500 students total) and even though we live in a really good school district [we make Newsweek's top 20 schools in the U.S., which really says nothing except that we take a lot of AP tests...] my school is not large enough and does not have the resources to try to be all three, all at once. My school really pushed to have the PRISM program held at our school. Silly school district.



So anyway, I'm full IB (meaning I'm going for the diploma). It's a two year program that is very rigorous and stressful. I'm taking 7 out of 7 IB/AP classes this year and next year. I have to do 150 hours for CAS (which stands for creativity, action, and service) in which all 150 hours must be completed Junior and Senior year (like I don't already have enough to do). I have to worry about passing all 6 IB exams (if you don't pass one, you don't get the diploma) in all six subject areas (math, science, English, second language, art, and history). I have to work on extended essays and historical investigations and worry about my individual oral presentations and BLAH BLAH BLAH.



So, as you can see. I have a lot on my plate as a Junior. Not to mention being in band and National Honors Society and Green Team and my own service club that I started. I had to even quit The Team in order to juggle it all. Plus I babysit twice a week (okay, a petty complaint. But still).



Basically everything I do is for college. I know that if I work hard now and take the hard classes, I'll be more prepared for college (not to mention that it helps me get INTO college. Yeah, I said it. Everyone joins clubs to look good for college, right?). But it's gettin' a little crazy over here in Haewon Land.



My new thing to calm me down and make me say, "it will all be worth it one day" is to research colleges. It's weird. I know. But it helps me look forward to what's to come after these four (mostly) horrible high school years.



After a stop by the library today (not to mention the past four months that I've been addicted to collegeboard.com), here's my rough, general, probably very hopeful, list:

• Chapman University
• Syracuse University
• New York University
• Columbia University
• Boston University
• American University
• Stanford University
• University of Southern California

Can you tell what major I'm interested in?

No, seriously. Can you?

It's not a set list by any means. I just like to flush out my ideas, roll them around in my head, and feel them on my tongue to help me digest the information. It helps me get a better sense of what I want. If I can be obsessed with anything for more than 6 months, then I know that it's not just an obsession, it's something I should pursue.



Dear College,


I can't wait to meet you. I think we will be good friends. I'm not sure how much we have in common, and I don't know if you will like me, but I hope you will. It's pretty lonely watching the rain pound down on top of Pike Place. Maybe meeting you will be a healthy change of pace for me. Maybe I'll get homesick and cry. But that doesn't scare me. The crying, that is. Because I cry a lot. But also because I know that change is always scary. I just hope that you can be both my friend and my teacher, and that you won't judge me for being a bit extremely awkward and clumsy. I hope that you aren't vain and that the weather is nice where you live. I hope you like to do all the same things I like to do but that you also teach me about your interests.





College, I hope that you will sit with me at lunch and that you will teach me to be confident. I hope you make a difference in my life. And even though you are probably stronger than I am and most definitely older, I hope that I can make a difference in your life too.


Sincerely,

Haewon

A Little Whine and a Moan...

Currently Listening to:

Smile by Lily Allen

Optimism Week is officially over!

Just in time, too, because boy do I want to complain right now.

Why?

Reasons I Want to Complain:
1) Allergy season started. I feel like my eyes, nose, throat, mouth, and ears are dying.
2) My Individual Oral Presentation is tomorrow and I'm seven minutes over the time limit. And to compensate, I will end up cutting things out and then end up with not enough time.
3) We have been doing orals in Spanish all last week and this week. Every day I have to get up and talk in front of people in a language I ain't no good at? WHY. (Señora, no puedo hablar enfrente de la clase hoy porque mi perro comió mi tarea y....sí...)
4) I have to go to a stupid band festival and miss all of Friday which, contrary to popular belief, is NOT GOOD because it takes so friggin' long to make up all the work you miss.
5) I got like, less than fifty percent on a math test. Test. Yes. Not quiz.

Oh, and number 6) is that the title song is stuck in my head. Okay, not a very good complaint. But all that optimism this past week really made me thirsty for some complaining!

I'm sorry. I'm not angry. This whole post sounds angry, doesn't it? I'm not. I think it's just in my blood. Or rather, it's the duty of teenagers to fill the world with complaints. Annoying, isn't it? If you think teenagers are annoying, try BEING one. That sucks even more. (Or if you are one, then you know what I mean. You may not want to hear about all my insignificant problems for an hour straight, but it's not like I want to be stuck in my head all day every day listening to my problems either.)

Suck it up,
-Haewon

P.S. Currently Reading: The Immortal Series by Alyson Noel. I just read book one called "Evermore" and now I'm on to "Blue Moon". I know, I know. It sounds kind of lame. It's on the better end of some of the teen books out there though. It's like the fraternal twin of Twilight. Oddly similar (I wrote eerily similar but it didn't look right and also I don't like typing scary words at night. It scares me.)

P.P.S. I saw Percy Jackson and the Olympians and now want to read The Lightening Thief. I liked the movie a lot! (But I heard people who loved the books weren't so hot on the movie?) Anyway, I have to be up in six hours. Sighhhhh, byeeeeeeee.

P.P.P.S. MY MOM JUST YELLED IN HER SLEEP OH MY GOD THAT SCARED ME SO BADLY. AHHHHHHHHHHSODFHIOAOSSJFWOVN.