I Will Never Stop Being Tired...

I constantly crave excitement, wish I had a more active social life, want to go on an adventure. The thought of living a boring life frightens me to my core. 

And yet, I can't seem to get off my ass. 

I'm constantly tired, recuperating from work and school on my days off and too tired to do anything active after I get off work. I spend my free days sleeping and watching YouTube videos and the thought of changing out of my warm, ugly, comfy pajamas is painful. 

But I'm not always like this. My freshman year of college, my semester abroad in Seoul, I spent all my free time doing something. 

I think being at home, or in a comfortable place, isolates me from the world. I feel like I don't need to be out, creating excitement in my life. And I think it's also the weather and the winter darkness that brings down my body's energy levels.

Winter is always a time of lethargy for me. I suppose it is good that I'll be leaving for Italy in a few weeks. I need the change. I need to give my body and mind a reason to be invigorated. 

I'm excited, and yet....I am starting to get so panicky about leaving for Europe. I've studied abroad before but this time I am going alone. I won't know anyone. My heart is fluttering and I'm getting that sense of fear that I didn't get the first time around. 

Three more weeks...

-A