Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Up Close and Unpersonal

I am an extremely private person when it comes to everything. My grades in university, what my plans are for the week, what I like to do outside of whatever realm I know you in, etc. On Christmas, my mom mentioned my long distance boyfriend's name and my dad said, "Who?"

Sure, he lives 5,000 miles away in France so there are never moments of me going out with him or having him over for my parents to have known I was dating anyone, but we have been dating for six months now and....dad had no clue. 

I'm not a private person to shut people out of my life, but something about the idea of having people know too much about me freaks me out. Like how can they use that information against me? How weak will I come off as if they know what my fears are or my insecurities?

The crazy thing is, I am incredibly self-reflective, emotional, and have existential crises on the daily. But to all but a select few who I have chosen to let in, I guess that I would come off as secretive, apathetic, perhaps standoff-ish. 

But I don't mean to. 

I think the key to understanding me lies in the fact that I rarely let people in, but when you're in, you're in for life. 

Loyalty, trust, and having people who will always be on your side. That is what I truly cherish. 

8 comments:

  1. I totally get that. lol (well, aside from having a boyfriend 5,000 miles away). I take my relationships with others very seriously, so when I trust someone and allow them to see the weaker, flawed parts of my personality, it's a big deal.

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    1. Exactly! And while it is hard for everyone to open themselves up and be vulnerable, it is harder for some more than others. And some people enjoying letting people in more than others. Some people will tell you their deepest secrets in order to bond. I have to bond before ever revealing the smallest secret.

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  2. I feel the same way. I hate being or looking weak. I don't ever want people to think less of me because of things I have done or feeling I have.

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    1. I agree. And to some it may sound like a security issue but I think some people just have their guards up more than others. Neither way is right, neither way is wrong. We need the open books and the closed books to balance each other out.

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  3. Love your blog! I totally understand... Definitely following!
    Check mine out too www.undeniablyanna.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks so much! I'll check out your blog now :)

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  4. Your blog tells me that your character fits some of mine!.love it too.

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    1. Aww, thank you so much for the comment! I'm glad to know I have a reader who can relate :)

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