But I have found, recently, that I have adopted a new persona, a persona in which I portray myself as a downright bitch.
There are different types of bitches, but the one I come off as is harsh, cutting, sometimes indifferent and always cynical. But I wrap that in humor, and so I have found that people actually appreciate someone willing to say what they were thinking but dared not. They appreciate someone who will say things to shock.
I don't know why I have been able to adapt to this new image. Perhaps the people pleasing desire realized people sometimes want and need an outspoken, go against the flow friend. Perhaps the sensitive person in me needed to protect herself, and others, but coming off as hardened when in fact, she is not.
I don't really know. All I know is that it is unnatural for me to be such a bitch. It feels like a performance and I can't say I don't enjoy it. I started acting at age 9 and I think the attention, however shy I may be, feels good.
It feels really good.