SCENE: Summertime...

[Them:] Hey you! (pointing fingers at me) What have you accomplished this summer?

[Me:] Oh, wait. What? I'm supposed to be doing stuff in the summer? Like what.

[Them:] For starters: college apps, summer reading homework, biology homework, gardening, babysitting, finding a job, volunteering, cleaning your r--

[Me:] I don't know, I kind of enjoy being unproductive.

[Them:] Please! Keep your voice down! Someone may hear you!

[Me:] I just think that summertime should be for relaxing and rejuvenating when you're a kid.

[Them:] Support your opinion with concrete details.

[Me:] Well, I don't know. Look, I just think that the summer is a time for riding bikes, swimming in the lake, staying up late and listening to summer music.

[Them:] What song are you listening to now?

[Me:] "In the Summertime" by Mungo Jerry

[Them:] We don't approve. The singer sings, "Have a drink, have a drive." That is inappropriate.

[Me:] Okay, I suppose. Can you suggest a summer song then?

[Them:] Glad you asked! We have a whole list of approved summer themed songs. "Summer in the City" by Lovin' Spoonful, perhaps?

[Me:] I don't know. This song says, "All around, people looking half dead. Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head." That's depressing.

[Them:] Exactly! That's what summer is all about!

[Me:] No it's not, it's about--

[Them:] We also suggest "Summertime Blues" by Eddie Cochran.

[Me:] This one is about a boy who is upset that he has to work all summer long! Don't you have any upbeat ones?

[Them:] No.

[Me:] I'm just going to blast "Summertime" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince and be on my way then.

[Them:] Delinquent! Don't you know what summer is all about?