The first week alone was the worst. When my mom and sister left me that evening during orientation, I was a mess. I cried every night for probably the first week here. And every other day the second week.
My friends who had already started college assured me that the first two weeks are the worst. The 2 week hurdle.
Well, damn. I'm on week 3 now and, while I will admit that it is a bit better than weeks one and two, I am still pretty much a mess. I try to go out of my comfort zone and meet people, I really do. But there's something to be said about going from the laid back Northwest lifestyle to Orange County. The people aren't friendly or relatable, the weather is blaring and burning, not warm and inviting, and there aren't even any good indie rock music stations.
Not gonna lie, my second week here I was already looking into transferring back home. How could I stay in this place? I kept thinking. This place is making me miserable and I haven't met people that I even like in the slightest.
It's nerve-wracking. Groups are already starting to form and here I am, feeling like a complete outsider and outlier. How come THOSE people seem so happy? How come THEY are making friends so easily? My way of thinking automatically separates me from my peers. "They" and "them" is how I feel. "We" and "us" is how I want to feel.
Once I started talking with other people about being homesick and feeling like a toad among swans, I started realizing I'm not the only one. Other people are feeling the same way I'm feeling. I'm actually not alone even though I feel like I am.
The glaring difference is, everyone puts on a pretty damn good act of feeling confident. My awkwardness is written all over my face. So in my eyes, it doesn't matter if everyone else feels the exact same way I do, because they are putting on bitchy and cocky masks and pushing through with their good looks while I have no act.
It's a weird first start. I wanted to love it here so badly. But instead I'm just enduring, day to day. And uncomfortably so.
If I were religious, I'd be questioning God' plan for me. But I'm not, so instead I'm just wondering if I made the right choice to be here.
-A
My friends who had already started college assured me that the first two weeks are the worst. The 2 week hurdle.
Well, damn. I'm on week 3 now and, while I will admit that it is a bit better than weeks one and two, I am still pretty much a mess. I try to go out of my comfort zone and meet people, I really do. But there's something to be said about going from the laid back Northwest lifestyle to Orange County. The people aren't friendly or relatable, the weather is blaring and burning, not warm and inviting, and there aren't even any good indie rock music stations.
Not gonna lie, my second week here I was already looking into transferring back home. How could I stay in this place? I kept thinking. This place is making me miserable and I haven't met people that I even like in the slightest.
It's nerve-wracking. Groups are already starting to form and here I am, feeling like a complete outsider and outlier. How come THOSE people seem so happy? How come THEY are making friends so easily? My way of thinking automatically separates me from my peers. "They" and "them" is how I feel. "We" and "us" is how I want to feel.
Once I started talking with other people about being homesick and feeling like a toad among swans, I started realizing I'm not the only one. Other people are feeling the same way I'm feeling. I'm actually not alone even though I feel like I am.
The glaring difference is, everyone puts on a pretty damn good act of feeling confident. My awkwardness is written all over my face. So in my eyes, it doesn't matter if everyone else feels the exact same way I do, because they are putting on bitchy and cocky masks and pushing through with their good looks while I have no act.
It's a weird first start. I wanted to love it here so badly. But instead I'm just enduring, day to day. And uncomfortably so.
If I were religious, I'd be questioning God' plan for me. But I'm not, so instead I'm just wondering if I made the right choice to be here.
-A
Eeeh.. I guess I was like this, too. Now, 5-6 years later, everything has been going well, I can make fiends (I still don't really want to, though) and can fit in any company, keeping my old self, having long hair and so on. Not sure what changed. But stuff certainly changes. You just have to get through it. I guess some people would call it character development. :) Hit me up on my e-mail if you need company or something. And excuse the link, please. I try to combine blogging and getting paid. :D
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