My Major Prom Date Dilemma...

...is that I have no prom date.

Shoot.

Okay, granted it's only May 5th (Happy Cinco de Mayo!) and prom is approximately 5 weeks away, but I can't help but to unhealthily obsess over the fact that I am going to have no date to prom!

Now, my stress about prom has really stemmed from a few main points. The first being that I have absolutely no options. Why didn't anyone tell me freshman year to starting flirting with all the boys so that come senior year I had at least a few suitors/stalkers hanging/lurking around my driveway to ask me to prom? I mean, if I had known three years ago that I needed to A) have a boyfriend by now to have a guaranteed date, B) be flirtilicious, or C) be a hoe bag, then I would have tried a little harder to getter done.

My second issue is that despite what I said in the last paragraph, I really do have a few options. But they are the kind of catch 22 options that no one likes/wants to have. My first option is the guy who you are nice to and are kind of friends with and you tell him things like when you are pms'ing and all that shit stuff but you thought he was gay so it wasn't weird at all when you did. But then I found out he wasn't gay (or at least isn't out of the closet) and has been poking around in my business behind my back asking people what my plans for prom are...And although I may possibly DIE going to prom alone, I wouldn't go to prom with this guy if he paid me. Not because I just want to be a bitch brat but because I wouldn't have a good time with him and then I'd be in a bad mood and then he'd be in a bad mood then our group would be in a bad mood and then everyone at prom would start punching each other and throwing up. And also because this is the same guy that once told me that I looked 6 months pregnant.

My other option is a guy I'm really good friends with, we joke around and call each other husband and wife (I'm the husband, he's the wife), he's super fun and funny and great and awesome and like cool and like omg guyz. But, and there is always a catch, he is a junior. Sigh. So although he would be the best date to go with, that would mean ME (the girl) having to ask him (the junior boy). Would that just be embarrassingly lame or what? Seriously. I can't win.

I realize I sound like I'm approx. 13 years old but...but I sound like I'm 13 years old. Whatever.

So WHAT am I going to do? If only I could win the lotto...and buy myself a date. That would be perfect.

Carpe Diem, ya'll.

-A