I'm Home...

I don't know why but I'm getting the feeling that things have changed since I've last been home. Regardless, happy to be here.

36...

I'll be home in 36 hours...not that I'm counting or anything. God, it feels good knowing that I will be home.


It's been over three months since I've seen my family and I definitely need some R&R. Since I've been having such a hard time here in college, not really having made any strong connections with anyone here, I have been so excited to go back home. But as the time gets closer, I'm getting more nervous. Just from my conversations with friends from home via text, Skype, and (my now disconnected) Facebook, I can tell things are going to be really different. I'm such a different person now than I was just three months ago.


I hope I find my place again back home. Because if not there, and not here, then I have nowhere. 


I'll be home for six weeks. It will either be six long weeks or six short ones. I don't know which I'm hoping for more.


-A

Clutter...

My dorm room wall says a lot about who I am.

I lead a cluttered life. Cluttered room, cluttered walls, cluttered thoughts and emotions. But always placing the things most important to me-family, friends, memories, dreams-above all.

There are some random things on my wall; a poster of the under side of a wave, some hanging snowflakes to make it seem more festive, photos of mostly my old life but a few from my new one, melted crayon artwork that someone made for me, envelopes from my friends from back home, a letter that the 6 year old girl I babysit sent me, a pin from my 19th birthday at Disneyland.

It's my wall. It's me trying to trick myself into feeling at home. It works sometimes like at night when I'm staring up at the wall. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and look at the photos on my wall and think I'm at home. It's familiar, but it's not home. Not yet.

-A

Fun? At Work? Blasphemous!...

How would you like to work here? Click the links to see all the photos.

I guess I can forget about wanting to work in tv and film. I just need to work at Google or Inventionland...

Inventionland

Google Offices

-A

A Little Thing Called Work...

As I sit here in the library at University, looking over my shoulder at the empty chair behind me, I can't help but wonder when everything stops feeling like a change and starts being normal.


Unlike some people, I didn't choose to go to school out of state because I wanted to escape home. No. I chose the school that would best prepare me for that career I want (film/TV, in case you are wondering), but I was completely bummed about having to leave Seattle and my friends and family. I was excited for the opportunities, and I still am, but that's about it. 


I've been here a little over three months now and nothing feels right yet. 


I had this heart-to-heart with the one person I would actually consider my friend here. We told each other 'you're my only true friend here'. We agreed with that and drove 45 minutes to the sand and stars and didn't get home until midnight and talked in the car about life and everything that's wrong with it. 


But it freaked me out, that he felt that way too. Because I see him with other people and I see that he has other friends too, not just me. I may be his best friend here but I'm dispensable. But all I have is him.


I got scared. About...everything? And I caused this riff between us. And he bounced off to someone else who may not have as much as common with him as I do, but they'll do. And I spent the day alone. Miserable. In this library with the empty seat behind me and bright lights designed to keep me from sleeping and forgetting everything.


When it's time to go home and forget, I will be so excited. But I can't deny the fact that I need to break off from the life I've formed in these three months I've been here and start anew. Another beginning. Another change. The hardest part never ends.


-A